My memories of my eldest’s baby milestones are strong and vivid. Her first burp, first 10 decibel fart, first baby sign, first smile etc. I remember them all with little prompting. They’re warm and comforting, familiar and heart warming… pure joy.
My twins early milestones on the other hand are harder to remember and in many ways more emotional. The first months (possibly years) are a blur of joy, sadness, wonder, stress, fear and love.
When I do tap into those early months the tears and heartache are as strong now as they were back then. Which is maybe why I don’t easily remember them … my bodies natural way of helping me move forward.
My little Ra was born with a congenital heart defect and a cleft in her soft palate.
My little Ra was home for a few weeks after her birth and then spent many weeks in hospital.
My little Ra had open heart surgery at nine weeks old.
My little Ra had so many hospital appointments, so many people prodding and poking her…
I was just another face in the crowd.
She didn’t see me as someone special.
I never got that knowing smile from her when I walked in the room. That reassuring glance … that intangible soul bonding connection.
Maybe it was partly me. Maybe I was too scared to give myself, body and soul, to this tiny fragile life I grew in side of me. This little life I was scared would leave us.
Then one day at around 8 months old my little Ra looked at me and smiled. I smiled back and gazing into eyes, more wise than her years, I saw…
I saw her and she saw me. She really ‘saw’ me.
“You’re the one. You are me, I am you… you are my everything!”
Not all baby milestones can be measured. Not all baby milestones can be photographed and shared. Some are are just moments.
Moments that will tug at your heart forever and stay with you until the day you die!
This is an entry into the Tots100/WaterWipes Baby Milestones challenge